Can you have it all? Reflections on feminism

Recently, I watched the Martha Stewart documentary on Netflix during a bit of a “mini personal crisis” of my own. I’ve been reflecting a lot on who I am, what success means to me, and how I want to live my life moving forward. Watching Martha’s story, I noticed certain patterns (or “filters”- as I like to call them), that felt oddly familiar.

Martha Stewart is a great example of what we’ve often been told a powerful woman looks like. On one side, she’s the ultimate domestic figure: cooking, decorating, creating the “perfect” home. On the other, she became the first self-made female billionaire, a business icon, a symbol of strength, and in many ways, a feminist success story.

But here’s where it gets complicated. While I admire her for her drive, grit, and independence, I’m not sure I’d call her a role model for me. She could definitely be one for others. But what I saw in the documentary was also a woman who, despite all her success, didn’t seem completely at peace. There were moments that felt a bit rigid, even lonely. I didn’t hear much about her role as a mother, which might’ve been kept private, but it made me wonder about the sacrifices behind the image.

And here’s my concern: sometimes feminism, especially the version we see in media, pushes women too hard toward this kind of success, the kind that mirrors the male path. High-powered job, public recognition, financial achievement. The women in suits, with a bossy attitude and traits typically associated with men. But is that the only way to be powerful?

For a long time, I believed in that path. I worked hard, chased goals, felt proud of my accomplishments. But since becoming a mother, something inside me shifted. I started asking myself what success really means. What do I want to be proud of at the end of my life? And the answer is no longer just about work.

A quote that really struck me was: "Nobody will remember those late-night emails, but your kids will." And it makes so much sense to me now.

I’d rather work less and be present with my little girl (who won’t be little forever). I want her to grow up with good values, emotional security, and the kind of confidence that sets her up for life. That’s the kind of legacy I care about building.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an “either-or” thing. I’m not saying women shouldn’t go after big careers. I’m also not saying I don’t want success. What I’m saying is: there are trade-offs. And we don’t talk about that enough.

We’re lucky to live in a time where we have choices. That, to me, is the core of feminism: the freedom to choose your own version of a meaningful life. But we should also feel free to redefine what power and success look like. For some women, it might mean running a company, being a great leader. For others, it might mean raising a child, creating a safe and loving home environment. And both are valid.

That said, there’s another thing that’s been bothering me about the direction "modern feminism" sometimes takes: the way it can become almost aggressively dismissive toward men. Yes, there are absolutely misogynistic men, and we should never excuse that or tiptoe around it. But some of the messaging today feels too extra. For example, there's a song called Sugar Daddy by Devon Cole with lyrics like:

"I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, can you spell it?Modern women need a man just like a fish needs a necklace.I don't need your permission to be sexy and happy,'Cause I make my own sugar and I am my own daddy"

Why should young women live with the message that they need men "like a fish needs a necklace"? Is that really the ideal? A modern woman does it all? Like everything there is to do in this world, without burnout? :)

Can’t we empower women without swinging so far that we make partnership itself seem unnecessary or undesirable? Men need women too, it’s a partnership. They say that behind every powerful man stands a powerful woman, and it should go both ways. Behind every powerful woman, there can be a powerful man too. Let’s not hate each other. Let’s work together, support each other, and recognize that real strength comes from collaboration, not division. So no, in my opinion, women don’t need a man like a fish needs a necklace; it’s insane to believe that.

Funny enough, when I look at famous feminist figures throughout history, I noticed something interesting: out of nine well-known women who helped shape the movement, only four had children: Mary Wollstonecraft, Sojourner Truth, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and Betty Friedan. The other five: Susan B. Anthony, Simone de Beauvoir, Gloria Steinem, Angela Davis, and Bell Hooks didn’t.

That’s not a criticism, just a reminder that parenthood changes things in ways that are hard to understand until you’re in it.

True equality means having the freedom to choose

I’ve said before that having children isn’t the right choice for everyone, and I still believe that. No woman should feel pressured into motherhood. But for those who do become parents, it shifts everything: your time, your energy, your sense of identity. And suddenly, those “quiet” roles (like stay-at-home moms) don’t seem so quiet anymore. They seem essential. Deeply powerful in their own right.

These days, I find myself admiring those women just as much as I admire CEOs. Because now I understand the kind of strength and patience that takes too.

What I don't like about the new wave of feminism is the idea

So yes, chase your dreams. Build your empire, if that’s what calls you. But don’t be blinded by the same story we keep seeing in movies, the one where success always looks like a corner office or a Forbes list. Life is about trade-offs. And only you get to decide which ones are worth it.

Or at least, that’s my two cents :)

photo source: Netflix