The things I keep learning (and relearning)

As I get “older” I realise that every year seems to bring me back to the same lessons. Apparently, I've been working on some of them for years now. :)

This year was rough. One of the roughest, if I'm truly honest. But I think when you go through difficult times and slowly start to feel like yourself again, you start to understand a few things about yourself, the people around you, and what actually matters. And while I'd love to say I've figured these things out by now, I haven't. I'm still learning, making mistakes, and trying to do better. It's a work in progress (and a very important one for me).

So, here are three lessons I keep coming back to.

1. Take care of your people.

Every year on my birthday, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the amazing people I have around me. My family and my friends. It's hard to explain... I can't really... but oh boy, how grateful I am for all the support I received when I was low, when I thought I couldn't make it, when everything felt like it was about to crash, or when I simply thought I wasn't good enough.

To know you have people you can lean on is priceless.

But (there is a big "but" here), I've also learned that having great people around you is not enough. You have to take care of those relationships too.

We're constantly told to focus on ourselves, and I'm sorry... but I can't fully agree with this narrative - yes, protect your peace, set boundaries, prioritise your needs. Sure, but it's not always about this. I mean... I get it. I really do. But I also think we've taken this narrative a little too far.

Relationships can't always be about what you need, what you want, and what works best for you. It shouldn't always be convenient. When you have to compromise or put someone else's needs before yours, it is what it is. That's when relationships really matter.

2. Be true. Even when it's uncomfortable.

As a professional people pleaser (yes, I know...), this one has probably been one of the hardest lessons for me.

I've learned to be more honest about what I think, what I feel, and what I need. At work, with friends, with family. Especially when something is important to me.

Because we all experience things differently, and what might seem perfectly fine to someone else might bother or hurt you because of your own experiences. But you can't expect people to know that unless you tell them.

And trust me, speaking up doesn't come naturally to me. It takes me way out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I'd much rather avoid an uncomfortable conversation and pretend everything is fine.

But I've realised that by being more honest, I've made better decisions for myself, grown more than I expected, and even improved the relationships that matter most to me.

Now, that doesn't mean saying everything that comes to mind the moment I feel it. Sometimes I need to wait, to make sure I'm not overreacting, to understand what I'm actually feeling, or to find a way to deliver the message with both honesty and empathy.

But I try to honour that process rather than avoid it.

And sometimes people might overreact or say something stupid. And that's okay too. We all say stupid things from time to time. The important thing is to stay in the conversation and try again.

3. When in doubt, go back to yourself (or better said -> the way out is in)

This one sounds a little philosophical, I know. But bear with me.

I think when things get difficult or confusing, our first instinct is often to look outside for answers. We ask people for advice, look for reassurance, try to understand what everyone else would do, or simply keep ourselves busy enough not to think about what's actually going on.

And while I think having people you can talk to is incredibly important (see point 1 :)), I've also learned that sometimes you need to stop looking outside and start paying attention to yourself.

To what you're feeling, what you need, what you're afraid of, and why certain things affect you the way they do.

Because sometimes the answer isn't another conversation, another opinion, or someone telling you what to do. Sometimes it's about being honest enough with yourself to admit something you probably already knew but didn't really want to face.

And no, I don't think it's easy. Sometimes it's actually the most uncomfortable part.

But I've learned that the more I understand myself, the easier it becomes to make decisions that feel right for me, even when they're not the easiest ones.

Maybe that's what growing up is about, after all.

So, as I turn another year older, I find myself coming back to these three lessons.

Life isn't just about what you achieve, what you have, or all the things you manage to tick off your list. Well... of course those things matter too. (It's funny how I feel the need to explain myself after every sentence, isn't it? :)) )

But I think this year reminded me that it's just as important to take care of the people who make your life worth living, to be honest with them and with yourself, and to learn to trust yourself a little more.

And if there's one thing I'm wishing for on my birthday, it's to have these amazing people around me for many more years to come. And hopefully, to keep learning a thing or two along the way.